Five ways to support neurodiverse children over the holidays

The holidays are a special time filled with decorations, special events, travel and visits with loved ones. For some, the hustle and bustle are welcomed with enthusiasm. For others, the excitement of celebrations can feel overwhelming and lead to overstimulation.

Neurodiverse children and their caregivers who rely on clear expectations, routines or sensory accommodations can quickly find themselves overwhelmed. Here are five practical tips for navigating the holiday season while supporting your neurodiverse child.  

Prepare them for change.  

Changes to routines can be distressing for both the child and their caregiver. Many children respond well to discussing changes before they happen, gaining understanding and feeling a sense of control over their day. This can be done in several ways:  

Talk about the changes to their routine. To make these changes more concrete, use visuals to guide your conversations. Write down a schedule of events or make a countdown calendar. Additionally, use social stories to review the social skills necessary to participate. You can find a sample social story, created by our very own Registered Behavior Technician Taylor Killean, at the bottom of this article. 

Describe the traditions you will practice and why they are important to your family. Help your child feel involved in the process by explaining their role in the tradition.  

Tell your child who they will see at events. Look at pictures of family members or friends and practice naming them together.   

Accommodate.  

Plan ahead to keep your child comfortable as they participate in holiday events. You can bring comfort items, preferred foods or sensory accommodations such as headphones, fidget toys or weighted blankets. If you are traveling, check for places that you can stop along the way to take movement breaks or access safe food options.  

If you plan to attend large events, call ahead to check the availability of sensory-friendly spaces for your child to take breaks as needed. If there are no sensory-friendly spaces available, consider making your car a safe space where they can decompress or opt for outdoor events where you can easily separate from crowds.  

Give choices.  

Allowing your child to make choices for themselves is an excellent way to give them a sense of control during the chaotic holiday celebrations. When it comes to little things like the clothes they wear, the foods they eat or the activities they do in their free time, give them some independence with structured choices. Structured choices involve a caregiver presenting two to three options that would be appropriate for the occasion and allowing the child to select from those. For example, if you are attending a religious service that requires dressy attire, you could present two different dress shirts and allow your child to select their favorite.  

Here are a few other practical examples to incorporate choices this holiday season:  

“It’s almost time to put our new toys away for dinner. Would you like me to set the timer for five minutes or seven minutes until we clean up?”  

“I’m excited to eat dessert too! You need to eat a little more dinner first. Do you think your belly needs two more big bites or four more small bites?”  

Offer new items or experiences without expectation.  

The holidays are full of new experiences; however, what we see as fun may be overwhelming for your child. If you are offering new experiences, have an open mind and don’t force their participation. Reinforce your child’s self-advocacy skills when appropriate by honoring when they say “no” to optional experiences.  

When offering new foods, place them on the same plate as their safe food options. Do not force compliance with eating, but continually offer new foods to expose them to different options.  

Be flexible.  

We expect a lot from our children over the holidays. School closures, visiting new houses, seeing unfamiliar people, attending events, and being presented with different foods are all small changes that can add up to big overwhelm for neurodiverse children. We are asking for a lot of flexibility from them, and we should be prepared to be flexible as well. 

Anticipate that celebrations will look different from those you may have had in the past. Focus on building meaningful experiences that meet the needs of your family, even if that means building new traditions.  

View the social stories here: